We all deserve unyielding pleasure from ourselves, if not from a partner. But how do we get there? Self-play or masturbating for the first few times may feel uncomfortable or unnatural, but it’s essential to familiarize yourself with self-pleasuring techniques. If you’re hesitant to begin, we have you covered with several creative and low-lift ways to bring pleasure to yourself from Dr. Jacqueline Sherman. Check them out below!
Focus on Pleasure, Not Orgasm: We live in a society that makes everything sexual (solo sex included) all about the “Big O” orgasms! Now, don’t get me wrong, orgasms are fantastic.. but there is so much more pleasure available to you if you dive deeper than orgasm. Instead of honing in on orgasm, become obsessed with your body by intentionally observing your self-pleasure! Many women indulge in self-pleasure with their eyes closed, so they can’t focus entirely on what their entire body is experiencing. This practice can be limiting if you are trying to expand your pleasure potential. Instead of closing your eyes, keep them open and watch mindfully (without judgment) how your body responds to the pleasure it receives.
- For example, while indulging in self-pleasure, are you moving your hips? If so, is it in a circular motion or an up-and-down motion?
- Do you notice if there is a specific place on your vulva that feels most pleasurable? (Many women report that they enjoy pleasuring the top left quadrant of their clitoris most.)
- Has your clitoris become enlarged? If so, how much more significant is it? Does it feel more sensitive?
Use Imagery to Explore Your Fantasies: Gone are the days of masturbating without keeping your fantasies top of mind! To prioritize your fantasies while masturbating, you must first become intentionally connected to your erotic fantasies. Spend some time journaling about what sexual situations excite you. Be specific (i.e., think about people, places, positions, kinks, etc.). After you have spent some time exploring your fantasies, use your most powerful sex organ (your brain) to connect to the fantasy world. Use imagery to communicate to your mind as you indulge. Meaning imagine your most erotic fantasy as you masturbate. If you have written down your fantasy, you can read it aloud as you experience self-pleasure.
Document Your Experience: We live in a world where we document almost every memory. Why not freeze your self-pleasure experience in time? One benefit of video and/or audio recording yourself engaging in masturbation is the power of the replay! You will get to observe how you sound the movement of your body and relive your moment of climax. For those concerned with confidentiality and not open to video, making an audio recording (simply use the voice memo feature in your phone) can increase anonymity. If you’re feeling extra spicy, you can send the voice memo to your partner as a sexy surprise to expand foreplay.
Explore Underwater– a tub and/or shower scene may be exactly what you need to feel more relaxed in your body. Plan ahead to slowly explore your body with water using your hands. You can add temperature play to your experience by rotating between warm and cold sensations to see what temperature gives your body the best splash. Pro Tip: Feel free to bring your favorite waterproof sex toy along for this solo-ride!
Try Sensation Play- We sometimes forget how much pleasure is available to us and disregard our erogenous zones when indulging in self-pleasure. Erogenous zones are sensitive areas of the body where there is an opportunity to create sexual arousal through touch (e.g., mouth/lips, inner thighs, nipples, lower back, neck, etc.). By incorporating sensation play into our self-pleasure, we can explore our erogenous zones, with intentionality! Sensation play allows you to stimulate your senses (touch, smell, sound, taste, and sight) and heighten the pleasure your body receives. Pro Tip: Try exploring your erogenous zones using items that enhance your sensation play (i.e., a feather, flogger, ice, or drippings of hot wax from a massage candle.)
Mix Pain with Pleasure- While indulging in self-pleasure, get creative by adding some sensation play that tests your pain threshold. Novel toys are great fun to experiment with! You can try a Wartenberg Wheel, a handheld spiky pinwheel that can be used on any erogenous zone on your body. You can experiment with pressure and go deeper to create more pain. Nipple clamps can also provide the perfect balance of pain and pleasure. They pinch and apply pressure to your nipples and can be adjusted to your liking. Pro Tip: To maximize your self-pleasure, use the Wartenberg Wheel and Nipple Clamps simultaneously.